one step
by Kaiya's Watergarden
Summary: Bucky Barnes is having trouble sleeping. Nightmare's plague him every time he sleeps. Kailin decides to help and they have a little heart to heart. Part of the This is War Story. Bucky Barnes O.C.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the marvel universe if I did the Winter Soldier would be living with me right now. I also do not own the Losers. I only own Kailin Morgan.

One step at a time.

Prologue

Screaming. That's what woke up Kailin Morgan. Sitting up she tried to register who or what was screaming. Then it dawned on her. Bucky. Falling out of bed and attempting to untangle herself from the blankets she fell again. Cursing she got up and pulled open the door from the bedroom. Flicking on the light she turned towards the screaming was louder and she could see him rolling and twisting to whatever nightmare plagued him. She knew not to grab his shoulder, but it was like still early and she was still half asleep. As soon as her hand connected his Cold blue eyes snapped open, and the vibranium hand clasped around her throat. She was shoved into the couch and could feel the oxygen leave from her body. She watched as he continued chocking her with such a force of anger.

"Bucky... James... It's me... Kailin." She managed to gasp. She watched as recognition flashed across his features. He let go immediately as if she had burned him. Holding her throat she coughed and gasped for air. She finally found her breath and saw him near the window. "Bucky, I'm okay. Hey! Look at me!" She said as she walked towards him. He turned and flashed his blue eyes on her. Saddness, Despair, and anger were all there.

"I could have killed you." He said as he turned back towards the window. Kailin rolled her eyes.

"Yeah and you didn't. Seriously we've been through this. It's normal for someone with PTSD to do what you do. I was just stupid and got what I deserved. I knew better." She said touching his shoulder lightly. She felt him flinch under touch. "Bucky... It's okay." She continued. Grabbing his hand she pulled him back to the couch. "Look I know that you're still confused and you're still trying to remember, but you need to relax. I know that it's hard, but you have to try."

As the both sat down she made sure to keep ahold of his hand. "You know when Steve was thawed, they assigned me to him. I think Fury was just trying to give me something to do to get my mind off of my team leaving. I still remember sleeping in the room next to him and hearing him scream. He did the same thing you did shoot up grab my throat and slam me into a wall." She watched as Bucky slowly looked at her. "It's true. You should ask him about it I'm sure you guys can compare notes on how to give me a heart attack." She said smiling.

"It's not funny." His voice was rough and quiet. Sitting there she squeezed his hand. He looked at her. The guilt and saddness was there. "You have no idea what I've had to do. Who I've killed and how I've killed them. It would scare you if I told you." Pausing she watched him close his eyes and inhailing. "Maybe I should tell you then you'll leave me alone." Getting up she droped his hand and knelt between his knees. She grabbed his face and made him look at her.

"Look Barnes. We all have demons and skeletons in our closets. They manifest themselves in our dreams. If it was in reality we'd be able to kill them, but since they're in our heads it makes it worse. Trust me I know." She paused trying to breathe. 'Focus on telling the story not remembering how it feels.' she thought. "Look when I was in Honduras. My team... They were called the Losers. We... We were a tact team sent in to paint targets or get intell. When we were in Honduras my Colonel sent this guy Jensen and I into the armed base. We need to get Intell and help rescue this girl. Rescuing was kind of a Clay thing. He was a gruff guy, but he did care about people. Jen and I were captured. He was held in a holding bay, while I was dragged to the Honduran General. I remember him bringing Jensen in the room and making him watch as the beat the hell out of me. They wanted us to talk, but no matter what we wouldn't. Any normal person would've began talking in that sort of situation, but not I or Jensen would. After the beat me they asked another question. When neither Jen nor I answered they bent me over and..."

Breathing slowly She took another Shallow breath. " The Honduran General and his men raped me in front of Jensen for what seemed like forever. Then afterwards they threw me in this box. It was barely bigger than me and it was dark. I couldn't move without hitting walls and I began to panick. I bashed my hands on the lid and busted them open. All I could think of was how the hell do I get out. For days they had us and finally the lid was open. Clay came and found us. I remember getting back to the states and I couldn't sleep in my bed with covers or be in a small room. Clay made me see a therapist because he needed me on the next mission. I still don't sleep well, and I still have nightmares just not as bad. So you see Barnes not everyone is perfect." She said hugging him.

She felt his body tense as she wrapped her arms around him. She knew he needed this hug because she knew she needed one too. Breathing slowly the Winter Soldier put his arms around her and they sat like that for a while. Breaking away Kailin brushed her hand acrossed his head to move his hair out of his face. Kissing his forehead she got up and walked towards the kitchen.

"I think tea and breakfast is in order since neither of us is going to go back to sleep." She said smiling. She could feel The Soldiers eyes on her as she made breakfast. As she turned towards the counter to grab the cooking spray she collided with him. He grabbed her with both hands and steadied her.

"I dreamed of falling from a train and to the ground. It was a bad fall. There was a lot of pain. I remember being dragged and then the scientists..." He swallowed hard. "They began doing tests and I just remember pain." He said. Kai watched him intenly and then hugged him again. He didn't flinch as bad as before, but she could still feel it. "All I know is you call me Bucky or James and I respond. The man steve calls me Bucky, and talks like he knows me. But I really don't know who I am."

Kailin smiled and pulled away. " Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. You were a sargent in the 107th and your were captured with most of your unit by Hydra. Steve saved you cuz' you two were best friends. They experimented on you, but Steve wasn't sure what they did. I know that from what Steve told me you were a ladies man and that you loved to dance. He also said you were protective and loyal. Thats who you used to be... before the Winter Soldier program."

"I don't know if I will ever be that person, or if I'll end up remembering anything." He said moving to sit at the bar.

"Baby steps Bucky... Baby steps."

Please read and review, and please no flames.


End file.
